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Nostrildamus Predicts
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Nostrildamus predicts...

Nostrildamus was a large-nosed Italian astrologer who found himself shipwrecked on the island of Temasek waaaaay back in the year 1002 B.H. (Before Harry). He somehow wound up prognosticating in the court of Sang Nila Utama, where his most famous prediction was that the Prince would espy a half-fish, half-lion, after smoking some totally gerek ganja. His predictions were often obscure, and employed language that no one understood. For this reason, Sang Nila Utama suspected that Nostrildamus was kapo-ing his gerek ganja, and had him fired. After leaving the Court, Nostrildamus married a local maiden and set up a chain of pasta restaurants in her honour, "Il Espiggio".

  1. Yea, verily, sometime in the midst of the countdown to 2001 celebrations round the world, someone who thinks he is si beh clever will play the theme to Stanley Kubrick's movie, "(Guess What Year): A Space Odyssey".
  2. Yea, verily, sometime when the theme to the aforesaid movie is playing, someone who is si beh hao lian will say, "Acherly, the real name of the piece is 'Also Sprach Zarathustra' by Richard Strauss."
  3. Yea, verily, there will be many husbands taking their families to the countdown celebrations, but lo! they will actually be there to scope out the Ah Lians.
  4. Yea, verily, it will come about that there will be more beauty contests than beauties in the city of Singapura.
  5. Yea, verily, Chinese businessmen will petition that the Botanic Gardens be converted into one tok kong golf course.
  6. Yea, verily, it will also come to pass that there will be more newspapers than there is news in Singapore.
  7. Yea, verily, with the rise in the number of free newspapers in Singapore, there will also come to pass a fall in the purchase of toilet paper.
  8. Yea, verily, it shall come to be that following the success of the "no chewing gum" policy, the rulers shall ban chewing altogether.
  9. Yea, verily the ERP gantries will reveal themselves to be Stargates, and lo! There will be aliens who will invade us through them. And they shall have no work permit.
  10. Yea, verily, the Singapore Lions will triumph in... no, wait. Sorry. Wrong number.
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