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PARENTING PREPARATION EXERCISE! By Pak Cham Kai on Thursday, May 08, 2008 (2185 reads) Topic: We, The Citizens

So last week, the State’s Times reported a survey showing that thanks to the Gahmen's policies (what else?) more young Singaporeans now want to get married and have chewren. But do you really know what you’re in for? Try our PARENTING PREPARATION EXERCISE – it’s as close to the real thing as we can simulate!

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Community Announcement: TalkingCock Takes a Break! Posted by Big Cock on Thursday, May 08, 2008 (109 reads) Topic: Community Announcements

Hey, cocksters! TalkingCock is taking another week’s break. We’ll be back on 19 May 2008. We’re using the time to work on some of our new projects, including the upcoming Pow-Ka-Leow 2nd Edition of our bestselling COXFORD SINGLISH DICTIONARY with hundreds of new entries, crazy new examples and also some powderful extras! Watch for news! Secondly, to all of you out there who’ve been bugging us about where to find our new Pow-Ka-Leow Collectors’ Edition of TALKINGCOCK THE MOVIE, our distributor has told us the DVDs have been flying off the shelves, and our first pressing is nearly sold out! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Many retailers have apparently already re-ordered more copies… so hang in there. If your local DVD retailer still doesn’t have it or neh hear before, tell them to re-order from Scorpio East pronto! While we’re on a break, why not amuse yourself with some of our old cock, including some of our games, like: PAC 'MAT HANDOVER PAP MAN SAVE OUR MAIDS LET'S HAMMER JBJ

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SOME MORE UNIQUELY SINGAPOREAN SUPERHEROES Posted by Big Cock on Thursday, May 08, 2008 (1446 reads) Topic: We, The Citizens

Iron Man lah, Hulk lah, Batman lah... we still look forward to having our own costumed crusaders some day...

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Finding Next PM Overdue, So Country to Be Fined By K.K. Cheow on Wednesday, May 07, 2008 (2293 reads) Topic: Politics

After the Prime Minister said finding his successor was ‘overdue’, the Gahmen has decided to fine the country.

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COMPULSORY COURSES AT SUPERHERO U. Posted by Big Cock on Wednesday, May 07, 2008 (1620 reads) Topic: We, The Citizens

This year, superheroes rule the cinema: Iron Man lah, Hulk lah, Batman lah, Hancock lah… Thinking of becoming a superhero yourself? Then faster go university and get a superhero degree, lah! What, you think can just lepak and let a radioactive spider bite you, ah? Here are the Compulsory Courses at Superhero U.:

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Gahmen Suspected of Steroid Use By Kway Bangket on Tuesday, May 06, 2008 (1959 reads) Topic: Sports

Just as it was announced that a medal-winning Singaporean bodybuilder was suspected of using performance-enhancing drugs, rumours have surfaced that Gahmen Ministers may have used unnatural means to pump up their salaries.

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Wu Liao Video of the Week: Sesame Street CENSORED! Posted by Big Cock on Monday, May 05, 2008 (1948 reads) Topic: The Arts

While we wait to see if the Gahmen allows the screening of 6 videos of protests taking place in Singapore, we thought we'd share with you this censored video of a certain popular character on the children's show Sesame Street...

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Absolutely Nothing Wrong With Working Well Into Old Age: Gahmen By Nyonya Kway on Sunday, May 04, 2008 (3729 reads) Topic: Local News

The Gahmen chastised the State’s Times for its recent report on elderly people working, saying that there was “absolutely nothing wrong with senior citizens continuing to work.” “The article suggests that old people are very poor thing if they have to work even past 80 years old. What nonsense!” said spokesman for the Minister Dementor’s Orifice Mr. Lao Lee Kong.

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Mas Selamat's Secret Tattoo Posted by Big Cock on Thursday, May 01, 2008 (7033 reads) Topic: Local News

Here's another detail to help you hunt Mat Alamak... he may have a secret tattoo! Click here to see!

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Special Favour to SPGs! Posted by Big Cock on Thursday, May 01, 2008 (5742 reads) Topic: We, The Citizens

You know, we make fun of SPGs a lot... but to show we have no hard feelings, we decided this time to help them instead!

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Subject Categories I’m Sure to Win on ‘Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?’ By Kway Png on Wednesday, April 30, 2008 (3103 reads) Topic: We, The Citizens

Seen that TV show and felt malu when you couldn’t answer questions that chewren are supposed to? Well, if they ever quiz me in these categories, I’m positive I have more knowledge than a 10 year old!

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Local Man Volunteers Solution to Maid’s Day Off By Robertson Kway on Tuesday, April 29, 2008 (3689 reads) Topic: Local News

Mr. Chin Hor Nee of Bukit Rabak says he has a personal solution to the calls for giving maids one day off a month, and concerns amongst employers that they will get into trouble on that one day.

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Why China Didn’t Choose Singapore for the Worldwide Olympic Torch Relay By Nyonya Kway on Monday, April 28, 2008 (5437 reads) Topic: International News

It’s a real mystery why China didn’t choose Singapore to host part of the global Olympic Torch Relay. I mean, we’re supposed to be such close buddies, right? And we’re ethnically compatible. Our roads are so clean and so nice. Some more, we won’t even allow a kucing kurap guy like Chee Don Juan to protest, you think we’ll allow the Dalai Lama? We’d have made things really easy for China, but instead they chose Thailand lah, Malaysia lah, Indonesia lah, even Australia. Wah lau, let them con us over Suzhou also neh choose us! We speculate why:

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ISD Officer Punished for Mat Alamak's Escape By K.K. Cheow on Sunday, April 27, 2008 (5448 reads) Topic: Local News

Following their bungling over the escape of terrorist Mat Alamak, a high flying staff member of the Internal Security Department was given harsh disciplinary measures. “Due to his bungling,” said Hum Affairs Ministry spokesman Wong Chin Heng, “He will never, ever stand a chance of becoming a State’s Times columnist, let alone an editor, like so many ISD officers before him.”

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Things Horton Would Have Heard If He Was in Singapore Posted by Big Cock on Sunday, April 27, 2008 (2554 reads) Topic: The Arts

So in the recent movie, Horton Hears a Who, Horton heard a Who. (Arbuthen?) Well, in Singapore, he’d have heard a lot more. Here’s a list of Things Horton Would Have Heard If He Was in Singapore:

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