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Senior Citizen: I'm a Weapons Inspector, Not a Cheekopek
Posted on Sunday, November 10, 2002
Topic: Local News
Local News
by Pak Cham Kai

Arrested for outraging a woman's modesty yesterday, Mr. Hum Sup Loh, 89, denied that he was a dirty old man, and proclaimed that he was in fact, a weapons inspector.

"You go and check with the UN," he said, as he was released on bail and escorted out of the Subordinate Courts by his embarrassed family. "Mr. Hans Blix called me yesterday and asked me to be a weapons inspector in the upcoming Unmovic mission to Iraq. I was just practicing my skills at my void deck, but the seow char bor misunderstood!"

According to the testimony of the victim, Mrs. Chin Tua Liap, 35, Mr. Hum had approached her, tugged at the front of her blouse and reached a hand down to grope her breasts.

"They were pointing out very fiercely, mah," said Mr. Hum. "Like two howitzer shells, like that. I was just making sure she wasn't concealing any inter-continental ballistic missiles."

Mrs. Chin also accused Mr. Hum of bending down and sniffing her panties.

"Of course!" exclaimed Mr. Hum. "I was checking for the use of any biochemical weapons!"

Mr. Hum only stopped after Mrs. Chin started to beat him with her umbrella.

"Clearly her violent, aggressive nature only justifies my close inspection," huffed Mr. Hum.

"I demand access to her presidential sites!" he cried as his family hurriedly bundled him into a taxi.

The United Nations has denied all knowledge of Mr. Hum, but has offered him a job as an exhibit in their Crimes Against Humanity committee.




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