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Local Man Ruins Smiles Campaign, Rebuked by Gahmen
Posted on Sunday, September 10, 2006
Topic: Local News | 
by Pak Cham Kai
A Bukit Gorblok resident has singlehandedly ruined the Government’s attempt to procure 4 million smiles to welcome visiting IMF and World Bank officials and staff.
Mr. Chio Si Mi, 78, of Bukit Gorblok Gardens, has refused to smile for the Government’s ‘4 Million Smiles’ campaign, thus dooming the country to a mural of only 3,999,999 smiles.
“We are deeply disappointed by the selfishness shown by Mr. Chio,” said Smiles 2006 spokesman Mr. Ismail bin Smailing. “As you know, we’ve been going through all the photographs submitted for the digital mural, to weed out photos copied from other places, prank photos, and other inappropriate shots. And we’ve been trying to get more actual Singaporeans to submit. It would be very malu if most of the submitters were foreigners. So a team has been going from door to door in every HDB estate trying to get citizens to smile.”
At 11.30 pm last night, the last night before the official start of the IMF and World Bank meeting, the tally was at 3,999,999.
“We were down to the last flat in Bukit Gorblok Gardens,” said Mr. Ismail dourly. “Occupied by Mr. Chio. However, he refused to cooperate.”
Mr. Ismail declined to provide details, although it is known that the Smiles 2006 team has lodged a police report against Mr. Chio.
This TalkingCock reporter managed to catch a glimpse of the report, but could only make out several words like “faeces”, “threw”, and “compared our mothers to certain unfragrant parts of the female anatomy”.
“Smile for futt?” growled Mr. Chio, standing in his driveway, clad only in a pair of grubby shorts. “Got things to smile at, meh? These chao IMF people come, cause traffic jam only. And then all the protesters go Batam, drive up the prices of the kway, so I also rugi. You still expect me to smile?” Mr. Chio then employed a well-known seven syllable Hokkien phrase beginning with ‘K’ and ending with ‘bye’.
In a last ditch attempt to procure Mr. Chio’s smile, the Smiles 2006 team brought Minister of Tourism and MP for Hong Kan GRC Mr. Lai Chia Hong to plead with Mr. Chio.
“We have done so much for you citizens – upgraded your flats, provided a world class transport and road management system, given everyone a great education system that churns out so many top scholars,” entreated Mr. Lai. “So why are you still so unhappy?”
Mr. Chio’s only response before slamming the door in Mr. Lai’s face was, “You want me to smile? Take a (expletive deleted) paycut, you (epithet that cannot be reproduced in any Singapore publication without obscenity charges)!”
Though visibly shaken, Mr. Lai said that while he would listen to his constituent’s criticism, cutting Minister’s pay was not a solution.
“If we did that,” he explained. “There would be 18 more people refusing to smile, then we would have only 3,999,981 smiles.”
In kind of related news, the Singapore Government is considering allowing IMF protesters to protest at IMM.
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