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Bollywood Script Discovered in Taxi in Singapore
Posted on Sunday, May 07, 2006
Topic: The Arts | 
by Chicken Little
A taxi driver reported finding a Bollywood script proposal that was being drafted for the Singapore Film Committee’s million dollar funding. Unable to find the true owner of the script, the cabbie decided to post the storyline on Singapore's most popular satirical website to see if someone would come forward and take credit for the script which is certainly not persistently political.
FADE IN: The story begins in suburban India.
A not so young but still attractive woman is having a twirl around the garden when her phone rings. As she giggles over the phone, her octogenarian father strides into the room, "Who is that on the phone?" he demands to know, "Are you talking with boys when your wedding to my chosen one is this Saturday?"
At that, the woman drops the phone and flees up the stairs. The old man picks up the phone and screams into the receiver, "How dare you? I will sue the pants off you….Don't you know that I am the only one who knows what is best for all you children. You young English educated radicals - you were not alive when the earth was being created, I was. Don't be rude and stay away from her or I will get my lawyer Mr Mareva to put an injunction on you."
The camera then pans to an upstairs bedroom. This is small but well furnished with many of the latest electronic gadgets and a profusion of colourful clothes. The girl is looking out of the window mistily.
"J, Oh, J!" she weeps softly.
The music rolls and the scene fades to sepia. The setting is a railway station marked "Anson", the year is 1981. The same girl, aged sixteen this time is dancing around a number of trees with a dashing slightly older man with long sideburns.
All of a sudden this idyllic scene is interrupted by some tough guys in white shirts and white pants who burst onto the scene and seize the sideburned man. He fights them off gamely with the trademark "swish" but is carted off before the gang lord wearing a white wig.
More vigorous fighting ensues while two dance lines form up on either side of the railway tracks - one wearing all white and the other a motley bunch. >.
Her reverie is interrupted by the geriatric charging up the stairs with remarkable vigor. "Why do you keep rejecting my choices - my friend Ahmed, the lawyer, that boy Shan with the official secrets, Choo, the man with the big mouth but good heart, all of them men of integrity unlike your boyfriends, that despicable J or that even worse guy Soonjuan Ji. This time, I have chosen the best of the lot. This Man runs a whole empire of cowsheds from here to Kanyakumari. Not only that, he has a sideline in durians and is planning on a retirement village empire in the ancient Kalinga kingdoms of Johor and Rhiau. He is clearly the best of the current crop. He came from the settlement of Alors and managed to avoid the perils of the evil national service while rising in the ranks of the Empire Corporation. He is clearly the best for you. Even better than my previous choice, George the armchair general."
At this, the girl breaks into tears, "Apa, don't you think I am old enough to make up my own mind. I am nearly forty and you have controlled my every move. I have grown up, I have seen the world. I am grateful for your help and support but now I am a big girl and I want a choice. Its time to move on…"
The words "Move On" seem to inspire a special rage in the old man, "What do you mean move on? That is something only I can do when my friends mess up major charities and squander money on the bare luxuries of life. How dare you! I will have you know, that when you were a baby, your cousin Mala tried to bully you and I stood up and protected you when you were in diapers. How can you be so ungrateful now. If I had not stepped in, you would be under Mala's thumb right now. What about the money I just gave you from your own bank account and how about the great show that I put on for the holidays??"
"But Apa,” she argues. “Mala is driving a new Proton Perdana and living in a house with a garden."
"Yah, but who wants to live in a big house in the third world. When Mala travels to the US, his money is worth only half of what yours is worth. Who in the world could have achieved that except for your Apa??? We are a first world family. Don't you ever forget that."
While the voices are being raised, a young man bursts into the room.
"Gomer you clown, you did not tear your parking coupon, how can I trust you with my daughter?", the old man screams as he takes a swipe at the young man.
"I'm taking her to Al-Junied," the young man retorts as he sweeps the woman in his arms.
However, the geriatric’s agents have arranged to have the young man arrested before he can flee…
How will this end?
Please invest in this script to find out…
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