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Top Ways to Tackle Dengue in Singapore
Posted on Sunday, September 18, 2005
Topic: We, The Citizens |  Now that the effectiveness of fogging is under question, concerns are growing about spraying insecticide, and let’s face it: clearing pools of stagnant water is damn leceh, what are other ways in which we Singaporeans can deal with dengue?
1. Suspend ‘juicy’ celebrities like Moses Lim and Sheik Haikel in the air using helium balloons to attract the mosquitoes away from regular people.
2. Migrate to Perth, and when the mozzies follow us there, we quietly move back to Singapore when they’re not looking.
3. Paint a big sign with a huge arrow pointing to Malaysia, saying: “Attention All Mosquitoes: Free Flow of Drinks Over Here”.
4. Use traditional Singaporean tactics: impose heavy taxes on all mosquito-related activities or set up gantries which charge mosquitoes every time they enter Singapore to suck blood.
5. Ask local designers to come up with clothing designs made out of mosquito nets.
6. Play music by our Singapore Idols nonstop – let those darned mosquitoes get a taste of their own medicine by letting them have an annoying whine in their ears!
7. Attack the mosquitoes at their source: cut off their financial network, declare a war on mosquitoism, offer a reward for the capture of their leader, Mosama bin Bitten, build a coalition army and invade regimes that harbour mosquitoes.
8. Get mosquitoes to stop breeding by encouraging them to use condoms.
9. Get Singaporeans to share with mosquitoes their tips for achieving a low reproduction rate.
10. Why are we worried about mosquitoes when other people are already bleeding us dry?
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