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Extremist White Elephant Network Uncovered: Police
Posted on Sunday, September 11, 2005
Topic: Local News
Local News
by K.K.Cheow

While investigating who placed placards of white elephants outside Buangkok MRT during a Ministerial walkabout, the Singapore police believe they have uncovered a network of extremist elephants bent on dominating the region.

According to ASP Chia Sior Eng, “We were acting on a 999 call about some placards of white elephants being placed on a road divider outside Buangkok MRT which had been suspiciously timed to coincide with a visit by a Cabinet Minister. As you know, 999 calls are not made except in emergencies, and making a Minister feel uncomfortable is a real emergency in Singapore, and we felt we had to take immediate action.”

ASP Chia dismissed criticisms that conducting such an investigation was frivolous and meant only to intimidate people from exercising their legitimate right to protest. “Yes, people have a legitimate right to protest, but they must do so in legitimate ways, without breaking the law. Exhibiting posters without permits is illegal. And if we allowed it, that would open the floodgates. People might start carrying placards and standing outside government agencies, or organize petitions or concerts, or make short films about opposition politicians or donno what, and these things would lead to riots, public disorder and inconvenience for the Gahm… I mean, people. If people wish to air their grievances, there are clearly established channels for them to do so which do not affect public order, like writing to the State’s Times Forum page, where you must submit your IC and editors can edit letters to make things more palatable, or seeing your MP who can help you write a letter to the relevant authorities, who will then provide you with very good reasons why your feelings are unjustified and why what they are doing is absolutely correct.”

ASP Chia continued, “In any case, our concerns were vindicated when our probe into the white elephant case revealed something far more insidious: that a network of extremist elephants were operating underground to conduct criminal activities in Singapore.”

According to the police, they have detained several elephants for questioning, including some living and working in the Singapore zoo. They are believed to be part of a group called Jemaiah Gajahbesar, who wish to establish a pan-Asian elephant state.

“We believe the white elephants at Buangkok MRT were studying it in preparation for a terrorist attack of some kind,” said ASP Chia.

The case has apparently been referred to the Internal Security Department, as “who better to investigate elephants in white than men in white.”

The Gahmen has asked citizens to remain calm, and not impute the actions of a few bad elephants to all elephants, many of whom are fine, upstanding contributors to Singapore society, like Sharity the Elephant, or Moses Lim.

Said Prime Minister’s Orifice spokesman Mr. Gerry Mandhir, “We want to emphasise that in no way are we singling out the white elephant community in Singapore for attack or scrutiny. Why, our recently installed president is a white elephant himself. Actually, he’s more of a brown elephant, but… aiyah, you know what I mean, lah.”



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