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Gahmen to Lead by Example in Population Policy
Posted on Sunday, January 25, 2004
Topic: Local News | 
by Nyonya Kway
After PM Goh’s lament about Singaporeans not having enough children, the Gahmen has decided that mere encouragement or providing incentives is not enough – they need to lead by example.
“Our current birth rate is not enough to replace ourselves,” said Minister of Population, Marriage and Procreation Mr. Lim Hump Kiang at a press conference. “The number of childless couples has tripled over the past twenty years. We need more drastic action than just putting up ads saying how wonderful families are.”
Minister Lim continued, “Everywhere people see families struggling to pay for exorbitant childcare fees, independent school fees, tuition, clothes, insurance, endowment policies, overseas university tuition, and then have to put up with the usual growing up rebellion nonsense, not to mention a highly stressful education system and a gloomy economic climate. No wonder Singaporeans aren’t in any rush to have children.”
“But what if we could show them a more encouraging picture?” asked Mr. Lim. “What if we could show them families where bringing up children is a real joy, not a constant battle?”
According to Mr. Lim, the Gahmen actually has such happy families – within their own ranks.
“PM Goh, for example, despite his extremely busy and stressful job as head of the Government,” Mr. Lim said. “Managed to raise a son who’s not only a doctor, but the CEO of a company affiliated to Asia’s largest healthcare company, which owns Gleneagles and Mount Elizabeth. And then there’s Minister Yeo Cheow Tong, who, despite having a packed schedule as Minister for Transport, managed to bring up a daughter who was so smart, she was recruited by JP Morgan before she even finished her last year at a top American university. Let’s not even mention our dear Senior Minister, who despite having an entire country to build from the ground up, still managed to take the time out to raise a daughter who’s a doctor and chief of the National Neuroscience Institute, a son who’s the CEO of SingTel and another son who’s going to be Prime Minister!”
“See? It’s all worth it!” said Mr. Lim. “It can be done! If they can do it, why can’t the rest of Singapore?”
“But,” he added. “Clearly we cannot just stop at holding them out as examples. We must continue to lead the way.”
As such, Ministers and PAP MPs have now pledged to father of give birth to an additional child each.
“If we’re asking the citizens to do it, shouldn’t we also do it ourselves?” said Mr. Lim with a chuckle.
According to Mr. Lim, none of the Ministers and MPs think it will be easy, but they are willing to do their duty anyway.
“You know,” explained Mr. Lim. “Some of them are a bit old, or maybe their partners aren’t able to arouse them sufficiently. But these are small problems. Nothing a little help from some ‘foreign talent’ can’t tackle. After all, look at how this cross-border strategy has helped the population of Batam and Hatyai.”
The new initiative, called the Reproductivity Campaign, will feature Teamy, the old productivity campaign mascot, alongside Birdy, a new mascot.
“Must have the birds and the bees, mah,” said Minister Lim.
Citizens are also encouraged to participate in the action, if they are inspired by the Ministers’ performance.
“Right,” said Bukit Gorblok resident Quah Por No. “I will totally be aroused by the thought of my MP getting hot and heavy. Ee-yurr.”
In fact, citizens can even participate together with the Ministers, provided, of course, they pass the necessary screening test.
“Must screen, mah,” said Mr. Lim. “We’re told there are a lot of ugly Singaporeans out there, and our Ministers cannot be seen indulging them.”
Mrs. Khee Pak Tor of Bukit Gorblok Street 69 has already signed up. Said Mrs. Khee, who’s encouraging other Singaporeans to join her, “Why not? We’ve been screwed over by them so often, this won’t be anything out of the ordinary.”
“I think it’s a good idea that Ministers are willing to share with ordinary Singaporeans their secret for bringing up successful children despite holding onto a prominent and demanding job,” agreed Mrs. Khee’s husband. “Mainly, their big fat salaries. PM Goh says bringing up kids is worth every sacrifice. So, Mr. Goh, sacrifice some of your salary for the rest of us, leh!”
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