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Opposition to Issue All-Nude Benefit Calendar
Posted on Sunday, January 04, 2004
Topic: Politics | 
by K.K. Cheow
Opposition parties in Singapore have banded together to recover from the “body blow” they received when rising star Steve Chia was revealed to have taken risqué photos of himself and his maid. To rebuild support, the opposition parties will be selling an all-nude calendar featuring their prominent, um, members.
The benefit calendar, entitled “Opposition Members” will feature luminaries such as Mr. JB Jeyaretnam, Mr. Chiam See Tong, Mr. Low Thia Khiang and, of course, Mr. Steve Chia himself.
Said Singapore Democratic Alliance spokesperson Mr. Boey Sai Win, “Steve Chia did something extremely stupid, and it’s affected the electorate’s view of the opposition. But we’re not like the Gahmen. Show any human weakness, they say too bad and fire you immediately. Just look at their employment policy! But we in the Opposition are kinder, more supportive people. So Steve cocked up, literally. But that doesn’t mean he should be ejected from the political scene entirely. That would be a premature ejaculation. Rather, we want to support him, bring him back into the fold, show him we’re all in this together.”
“Of course,” added Mr. Boey. “It helped that the news about Steve catapulted the opposition to the front of the newspapers and internet forums more than any other event in recent memory. No publicity is bad publicity, right?”
The calendar will be available at all rallies, especially in the runup to the more-imminent-than-you-think handover of the Prime Ministership to Deputy Prime Minister “Barry” Lee Hsien Loong.
“We think it’ll sell more than the Hammer,” said Mr. Boey.
Noticeably absent from the calendar is Singapore Democratic Party chief Dr. Chee Soon Juan. Mr. Boey explained that there was nothing sinister about the omission: “We chose not to include him because unlike JBJ, Mr. Chia, Mr. Chiam or Mr. Low, Dr. Chee has never been a Member of Parliament. He thus didn’t fit the calendar’s theme of “Opposition Members”.
Dr. Chee, meanwhile, rejected the explanation. “That’s ludicrous. I’m still a member of the Opposition, even if I haven’t been an Opposition Member of Parliament!”
But Dr. Chee remained unperturbed. He said he would be launching his own beefcake calendar, featuring 12 months of himself in various exciting poses.
“I’ll call it, ‘Dare to Strip’,” he smiled.
The ruling People’s Action Party is also unconcerned about this high-profile stunt by the Opposition. Said PAP spokesman Mr. Gerry Mandhir, “When it comes to Singaporean political bodies, no one can beat the PAP. And to prove it, we’ll be distributing our very own hardbody calendar. Aficionados of the genre will thrill to see that our leader-in-waiting will be showing off his fighting fit form.”
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