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Air Force One Mistakenly Lands on Pedra Branca
Posted on Sunday, October 19, 2003
Topic: International News | 
by Mamak Cock & Pak Cham Kai
The arrival of US President George Dubya Bush in Singapore was delayed by several hours when Air Force One pilots landed on the island of Pedra Branca by mistake.
President Bush explained that it was all due to a wrongly charted map provided by the Pentagon. Said the President, “Can’t blame ‘em. Singapore’s real small. Tough to find, just like those ornery weapons of mass destruction.“
Meanwhile, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld denied any mistake, saying, “Entering foreign territory without checking the accuracy of intelligence is a time honoured tradition of this administration.”
Upon arrival at Pedra Branca, he was greeted by Horsburgh lighthouse jaga Mr Padra
Singh, which caused a minor kerfuffle amongst secret service staff. Said one agent, “We saw the turban and beard and thought, holy shit! We’ve been brought down by Al Qaeda! We thought you Singaporese folks were all chinks. But a quick phone call to the Minister of Foreign Affairs sorted everything out.”
While waiting for SAF jets to arrive to escort Air Force One to Changi Airport, President Bush and Mr. Singh engaged in some chit chat.
“I thought from what I’d seen of him on TV, he was very goondu,” said Mr. Singh. “But in real life, he’s even more goondu. I was taking him around the lighthouse and I showed him my charpoy and he said, ‘For relaxing, eh?’ and I had to tell him, ‘No, for me – Padra Singh.’ What a bodoh, can’t even remember my name!”
As a token of appreciation, President Bush gave Mr. Singh a Department of Homeland Security t-shirt.
Meanwhile, in Singapore, a small diplomatic brouhaha was brewing. As Malaysia also claims sovereignty over Pedra Branca (the subject of an impending case before the International Court of Justice at the Hague), Kuala Lumpur was insisting that President Bush be arrested for entering Malaysian territory without a valid visa.
However, Malaysian officials were unable to scramble MAF jets in time as their fighter pilots had all disappeared on ‘tea break’. A Malaysian spokesman said that the fact that their skiving soldiers were found snacking on Jacob’s cream crackers was “yet another sign of the Jewish conspiracy.”
When the SAF jets arrived, the President’s departure was again delayed when he suddenly insisted on flying one of the F-16s into Changi himself.
“Did it on that aircraft carrier,” said President Bush. “Can do it again. Yessir.”
He was eventually dissuaded from doing so after he received a phone call from Vice President Cheney saying, “Quit fucking around, sonny boy, or I’m going to come out of my secret undisclosed location and tell my pals in the oil industry to stop financing your goldang re-election campaign.”
“That Cheney,” President Bush was heard to grumble. “is such a Dick.”
Arriving in Changi Airport, President Bush greeted gathered reporters with a hearty ‘Bush Boleh!’, which he swiftly retracted after his staff whispered in his ear, “wrong country, wrong country!”
Mr. Bush certainly did not appear any worse for wear from his island interlude. On the contrary, he told the media that it was a blessing in disguise to have wrongly landed on Pedra Branca.
“Ya know, Pedra Branca with its lighthouse and all would provide an excellent natural environment to hold future captives of our war on terror.,” explained the President. "If Mr Padra Singh doesn’t mind, we sure would like to use his island as a strategic holding bay for the future enemy combatants.”
The Singapore Government said it was fine with Mr. Bush’s proposal, provided that a Temasek-linked company, rather than Halliburton Inc, be given the contract to manufacture the orange coloured prison-wear.
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