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Interview With Singapore’s New Minister for Sex
Posted on Sunday, May 04, 2003
Topic: Interviews | 
by Sek See Chik
TalkingCock.com is proud to interview Singapore’s new Minister for Sex, Mr. Lim Hump Kiang. The interview was conducted by our reporter Sek See Chik, at the temporary location of the Ministry of Sex – a luxury suite at Hotel 69 in Geylang Lorong 69.
TalkingCock.com: Thank you for consenting to this interview, Minister.
Minister: Anytime, baby. Promoting consensual intercourse is what my portfolio’s all about. Rrroowrr!
TalkingCock.com: Uh, technically, the Prime Minister said you’ll be in charge of “issues crucial to the country’s longer-term survival – the ageing population, marriage and procreation.”
Minister: Well, that’s too much of a mouthful, sweetie. And remember, under Singapore law, oral sex is technically illegal. We in Singapore like to keep it short and sweet.
TalkingCock.com: Some say that’s not by choice.
Minister: Oh behave! On the contrary, we in the People’s Action Party have tremendous staying power.
TalkingCock.com: Maybe that’s because you use a lot of whips and chains to tie your partner down.
Minister: Well, those are classic SM techniques which have worked time and again. You can’t blame us for following the classics.
TalkingCock.com: I guess they have helped you maintain your elections.
Minister: Well, I’d like to think we also rose to the occasion, baby.
TalkingCock.com: Um, pretty fancy décor you have here in your Ministry, Minister.
Minister: Thank you.
TalkingCock.com: The mirror on the ceiling is an especially classy touch.
Minister: We are trained to adopt a helicopter view of all issues.
TalkingCock.com: And the mirrored floor?
Minister: Oh, that’s for research purposes. We like to be able to look things up in a jiffy.
TalkingCock.com: Minister, how would you respond to rumours that you were reshuffled here because of certain gaffes while at the Ministry of Health?
Minister: I’m sure these oral suggestions are all totally fallacious (snigger, snigger), but what gaffes, baby?
TalkingCock.com: Well, just off the top of my head…
Minister: Yeah, baby! Give me head!
TalkingCock.com: Uh, as I was about to say, you did stir quite a bit of public anger when you told women they should reduce their trips to the hairdresser so they could afford a mammogram, and also when you said you regretted keeping a baby alive because it cost KK Hospital more than $300,000. Not to mention that the Slim 10 liver failure debacles happened on your watch, as well as the huge price increases in hospital fees. And let’s not even get into SARS. You must admit that these gaffes were all pretty big…
Minister: But you know it’s not about size, baby!
TalkingCock: So you don’t think you were, ahem, prematurely evacuated from your post at the Health Ministry?
Minister: On the contrary, darling! I think the way I handled those crises showed that bigger things should be thrust upon me. No premature evacuation, baby! My time just came!
TalkingCock.com: So you’re basically saying those how you dealt with the cockups entitled you to be Minister of Cocks Up.
Minister: All this talk of cockups… you don’t want to be putting anything in my mouth, know what I mean, sweetcheeks?
TalkingCock.com: So what are your plans for boosting marriage, procreation and tackling the ageing population, considering the lukewarm reception to previous policies such as tax rebates for children and such silliness as the Romancing Singapore campaign and the SDU guide to dating?
Minister: I think we can deal with all 3 problems in one fell swoop by encouraging our women to marry dirty old men. Our dirty old men all seem to be the keenest in procreation, judging by outbound travel statistics to Hatyai, Bintan and Batam. So I figure, why not put them at the forefront?
TalkingCock.com: You honestly think that will go down well with Singaporean women?
Minister: I think our Singaporean women need to learn to go down on their men more often, baby! And I actually think the women might like it. After all, getting it on with randy seniors will give them access to the real objects of their desire - money and real estate – in a comparatively short time than if they married amongst their peers.
TalkingCock.com: Pardon the expression, Minister, but that’s pretty fucked up.
Minister: Well, that’s my job - to ensure our pretty people keep up the fucking. Yeah, baby, yeah! Got to get their mojos working!
TalkingCock.com: Well, then I’d better leave you to get it on… I mean, get on with it, Minister.
Minister: Oh, just one last thing, baby: I notice you misspelt my name. It’s not ‘Hump’ Kiang. It’s ‘HNG’ Kiang.
TalkingCock.com: Oh sorry. But you must admit ‘Hump’ is kind of appropriate, considering your portfolio.
Minister: I don’t think it’s as appropriate as ‘Hng’. After all, ‘Hng!’ is the sound you make when you climax, baby! Hhnnngghhhh! Yeah!
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© http://www.TalkingCock.com 2001-2003. All rights reserved.
(If you're circulating this by email to your friends, please include this
attribution. It's only polite, leh!)
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